Don’t Take Anything for granted

Last night I was thinking and worrying about cleaning, shopping, ordering food and cooking for Pesach.

Now those “worrying” aspects of life seem more of a privilege than a problem.

This morning I woke up to an email from my brother in law in Teaneck New Jersey..

His name in the ‘sender’ box was already unusual.

Then I read the email, sent from his Blackberry, which went something like this:

“Tremendous storms over here. We've lost power and don't have access to email.Two large trees fell onto the house, and one of them broke through the front facade and roof. Water is pouring in. No one is hurt.

We have gone to friends down the road . They also have no electricity..If you need to reach us, send email to me (until my battery dies).”

I had to read it several times before it sunk in. I still didn’t / couldn’t believe it.

I quickly surfed over to the American news programs and read, watched and listened to the horrific stories.

Two men from my sister’s shul had been killed returning from Shabbat Mincha (afternoon) prayers when a tree fell on them.

Hundreds of thousands are without any electricity and it’s very cold .

An update later from my sister’s cellphone ( everyone has cordless phones which need electricity so we couldn’t get through to any telephone – another reason to dislike cordless phones) said that electricity probably wouldn’t be restored until Tuesday. They had returned to the house to see if it looked safe enough to go in and take some essential items for a few days /weeks ? Who knows.

tarp covers the house to save it from  more damage.

The important thing now was that the tree shouldn’t move any more and destroy more of the house. It had crashed through the roof, through my niece’s bedroom and down to the living room.

They were hoping to go further away later on to someone with electricity so they could recharge all their ‘communications’ equipment.

They weren’t sure where they would be sleeping – they had plenty of offers. They are still traumatized and are taking each hour as it comes

I felt so helpless and so useless. Apart from inviting them to come over here I couldn’t really do much else. But it’s not very practical. There’s work, school, college, and keeping an eye on their home.

I thank G’d that none of my sister’s family was hurt

I also thank G’d that I have a home to clean for Pesach, a kitchen to cook in and our own beds to sleep in.

We take so much for granted.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY – MARCH 8TH

Is it such a good thing?

It’s not a good sign when a group of people have to have their own day. It usually means they’re treated badly the rest of the year but to make up for it they are “given” a day of their own.

On that special day all the injustices and hardships felt by them are aired and discussed in the media …… and then forgotten by the following day, which makes a mockery of the whole idea.

For this reason, these days have no place in Jewish custom. For example, there is no Mother’s Day in the Jewish calendar, because mothers should be treated with respect every day of the year – it’s one of the Ten Commandments.

I’ve always found it ironic that Jewish feminists have ‘decided’ that ultra-orthodox women are unhappy, downtrodden, inferior beings who lead a miserable existence, governed by their fathers, husbands and/or rabbis with ne’er an intelligent thought for themselves. They are not allowed to read from the Torah, put on tefillin or count as part of a minyan. They are ‘forced’ to have large families and relegated to a separate part of the shul .

Well, surprise, surprise, but I don’t know any ultra-orthodox women who feel like that. It seems to me that those who voice the above ‘complaints’ are painfully unaware of the respect in Judaism given to the Jewish wife and mother. She plays the central role in the home, in the education of the next generation and is often the breadwinner in the family.

Feminists, it would appear,  have a knee-jerk reaction in wanting to do anything that is perceived as ‘forbidden’. There are many mitzvot which women can perform, but I have a strong suspicion that these don’t interest the above ladies.

If they had more self-respect for themselves and their role as women and as individuals they probably wouldn’t be so desperate to be allowed to take part in rituals which for religious/practical reasons have never been part of  a Jewish woman’s daily routine.               

Self-respect and self-confidence are the keys to living a fulfilled life. Continually looking for things to be disgruntled and annoyed over will, in my opinion,  only lead to a negative image and  discontented outlook.

Ultra-orthodox girls usually leave school ( which continues for an extra 2 to 3 years of further education ) well qualified to join the work-force in a variety of interesting and  much needed professions from architects to educators.

Before getting married both the grooms and the  brides  take pre-marital courses which don’t just teach the halachot ( laws) pertaining to Jewish married life but also place tremendous emphasis on shalom- bayit  (marital harmony) i.e. treating each other with  respect . Discussing peacefully, avoiding fights, respecting each other’s opinion, coming to a compromise – all these important aspects of sharing your life with someone else are discussed in depth. The emphasis is placed on giving not demanding, looking for way to make your partner happy – not insisting on  your own rights privileges.

I can see the fruits of these lessons in my own children’s harmonious relationships with their spouses.

Men and women are  equal, but different – each with their own role in the home, in the family, in society and in spiritual life .

Hopefully there will come a day when we won’t need a special International Women’s Day – when women all over the world will be treated with equality and respect at home and in society.          

But I believe this will come through education within society and not through any artificially organized days on the calendar. 

WHAT time is it?

There just has to be some scientific reason why I wake up , every morning at 4.05.

(actually it’s 4.10 but I couldn’t find a picture of a digital clock that said 4.10 – beggars can’t be choosers)

No I don’t need to get up then ( heaven forbid)

No my husband doesn’t get up then.

It’s not because I go to bed so early and so I’ve slept enough – I rarely get to bed before 1.00…… and I have definitely NOT slept enough by 4.10.

No the alarm clock doesn’t go off then.

No I’m not worried about missing a flight / bus / an agent offering me a Hollywood screen play  (that last one was to see if you’re really awake!!)

So please someone tell me why I wake up at 4.10 every morning?

THE ADVANTAGES OF ‘MATURITY’

When I went back to  employed work about six years ago as a teacher, I was nervous.

Most of my fellow teachers in the staff-room were my children’s ages, making me feel like some nearly extinct dinosaur.

But it didn’t take me long to realize that I had plenty of advantages over them.

I’m never in a mad rush to get out as soon as the bell rings, as there’s no teacher or babysitter waiting for me to pick up my starving children.

I don’t have to take time off for my children’s illnesses.

I’m not as exhausted as the young mothers ( and fathers) who never get an uninterrupted night’s sleep.

I’m pretty calm and have more self-confidence than many of those inexperienced  youngsters and don’t get upset over criticism.

Outraged parents and badly behaved pupils don’t faze me. (After bringing up 7 children nothing much fazes me. )

Yes, maturity carries with it many advantages.

Most of the major expenses of life have been paid for (mortgage, children’s education, most weddings etc) so I can allow myself to be employed part-time and devote more time to writing.

And as for the writing – well, as the years go by, I have far more to write about.

Essay subjects abound.  If it happened, there’s an essay in it somewhere.

I have enough  material on parenting (kept up to date by my grandchildren) to fill most magazines and websites for a long time.

I can now write for  most age markets ( grandchildren keep me up to date with teen-speak / fads/fashions / technical gadgets which are foreign animals to me).

I’ve always loved writing. I never said “ I’ll write when …….. I have more time/ the children sleep through the night / the kids are grown / I retire …etc

I’ve been writing regularly, even if not frequently, since I was about 15 and now that I have more time, those overflowing idea notebooks are coming into use.

So as I head towards my 60s I’m looking forward, G’d willing, to a busy writing and family life.

And you won’t find me at the cosmetic counter looking at those outrageously expensive “promise- to- make –you- look- ten-years-younger- in -ten –weeks lotions.

I’m comfortable in my (wrinkled) skin the way it is.

TEN THINGS TO REMEMBER TO DO BEFORE PESACH

 

1. Panic

2. Think of the number of rooms you have.

Then count up of the number of wardrobes /  closets /drawers / desks /  shelves / boxes you have in each room.

Multiply it by the number of children who make a mess ( are there any other sort of children?)

Divide it by the number of days until Pesach

.

3. Decide you should have started Pesach cleaning  six months ago.

4. Remember that in the ‘old days’, before Pesach, they used to just ‘shave off’ the top layer of their wooden table to reveal beneath it a completely clean unused tabletop Pesach.

5. DON’T try that with your dining room table that you were given by your in-laws when you got married.

6. Remember the Rabbanim say it is definitely wrong to dread Pesach more than Tisha Be’Av.

I’m working very hard on that one.

7. Remember, Dust is not Chametz and your children should not be turned into Pesach sacrifices.

I remember only too well how  I neglected my kids the weeks before Pesach  when they were young..

I just pray my children don’t treat my grandchildren so badly.

8. Yes, that green sludge at the bottom of your child’s ‘tik ochel’ was once up on a time a time a delicious sandwich.

Does it still count as “chametz”?

Who cares – you don’t really want to leave it there  another year do you??

9. Remember all new “olim”. There’s only one Seder night here. If you sleep through it, from  exhaustion,  there’s no action-replay the next night.

 

10. A couple of days ago my daughter asked me to go with her to a “ how to get organized” evening – she’d tried all her sisters and none of them were interested!!

“ OK” I said “When and where is it?”

Her answer ?

“ I don’t know I can’t find  the advert”

(Gimmee a break – that is just tooo stupid to be made up)

WHY OH WHY DID WE GET A CORDLESS TELEPHONE?

 

About 14 years ago we bought our first cordless telephone. I was full of wonderful expectations of getting on with the housework whilst chatting to friends and family and never wasting a minute.

But surprise, surprise, it never quite worked like that.

I simply found it too uncomfortable to stick the receiver between my chin(s) and shoulder, leaving my two hands free to work. It was a real pain in the neck.

But what did happen was that I no longer ever knew where the phone was . With a houseful of teenage girls, the phone was rarely seen. Often it was discovered in the morning in one of their beds – with a completely run down battery, after hours of nighttime chats with their friends .

Don’t even ask what happened to the phone bill.

When that phone died of overwork I resolved and announced – no more cordless phones in our house while the children are still living at home.

At least with an old-fashioned phone, when it rings you know where it is, and what is so terrible about sitting down for a few minutes and relaxing while I chat to my friends.

This resolution held out until recently. We now have just one daughter left at home who is very busy, very popular and also I must tell you , very hardworking both at home and in her studies.

So we succumbed and got another cordless phone. The real clincher was when she promised to tuck it under her chin and do a ‘sponja’    ( clean the floor the Israeli way) at the same time.

But we still can never find the phone when she’s out of the house.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I have run around looking for the phone when I heard it ring , only to listen helplessly as the answering machine takes the message while I am still haplessly searching under every cushion and pile of newspapers, amongst the cosmetics and inside her clothes closet .

Of course we know there is a bell on the main base section of the phone, and if you press it you can hear the phone giving a corresponding ring from wherever it is lurking.

But what if you don’t hear any answering ring from the phone?

It once took three days until I had finished the laundry …… and lo and behold, there it was, at the bottom of the laundry basket, cushioned amongst the dirty towels, with any sound it may have tried to make begging to be rescued , muffled inside the damp, fluffy heap.

Mind you, it could have been worse.

Last week my married daughter was taking out a bag of garbage to the main garbage container in the street, when suddenly the bag started to ‘ring’.

If someone hadn’t called her at that moment she would have thrown the bag away, cordless phone and all and no one would ever have heard it from the depths of the dark dank, dumpster.

On second thoughts ……. that’s not such a bad idea ………now if I could only find the phone ….. I think it’s time to throw out the garbage.

TOM AND TOMER’S HILL

 In 1997, on the night of  Shvat 27th 5757, 13 years ago this week, two helicopters carrying elite  IDF solders  crashed into each other as they hovered over Moshav Shear Yashuv,  awaiting permission to fly into Lebanon. As was the normal procedure when entering Lebanon, the first helicopter had turned off its lights when the second one crashed  into it.                                                                                 All 73 people on board the two helicopters died.

The entire country was thrown into national mourning over the worst air disaster ever in Israel.

 

 

The following day’s  Maariv  newspaper’s  front page. The headline reads  The Best of our Sons and has photos of  those who perished.

Two of those who died were Tomer Keidar, youngest son of  Hagit and Yoav Keidar of Kibbutz Negba and his best friend Tom.

Yoav Keidar  sought a way to memorialize Tom and Tomer and the other 71 who died. His love of  his country and particularly  the flora and fauna of The Land of Israel, brought him to set up a special garden in their memory not far from his home.

Givat Tom veTomer ( Tom and Tomer Hill) is planted with only plants and fruits indigenous to the Land of  Israel. There are many paths and benches as well as areas for groups to sit in the shade.

There are stones bearing quotations from the Tenach and Hebrew memorial songs play in the  background as you wander around the garden.

 

There are also memorial stones listing all those who died.

At the entrance to the site an electric pole rises , painted in blue  with 73 doves circling around the pole

 

 

To reach this beautiful  memorial garden, enter Kibbutz Negba and follow the signs to Givat Tom veTomer.